My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
