after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
