Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
