we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
