I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
