You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
