the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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