TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
