this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
