yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
