this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If I die, sorry about rent.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
