So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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