she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
How's work?
Spinning.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
