nut hugger
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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