Heybabeimwearingurpanties
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
