that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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