uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
