They should really pass out barf bags in church
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
