i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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