I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
