you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
