He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
