FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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