Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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