Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
