Need sex. Gaining weight.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
