I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
