At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
