someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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