dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
