I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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