She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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