Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
