Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
id be glad to
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
