Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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