Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
