How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
