I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
