Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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