Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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