a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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