U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
