Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
