i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
