don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
