Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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