Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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