yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
