It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
