Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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