I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
