Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
