Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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