happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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