Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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