he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
